Yes, that’s right. I’m talking directly to you girls out there – you Hockadasies, Ursuline nuns, and ESD whatchamafucks. OMG. Fucking, what are you guys wearing?!
Day in and day out at the unnamed cupcake shop - for fear of corporate sensorship – I see you pizza-faced faucks traverse to confectionatory heaven to get a cupcake. Sometimes, Goddammit, I see ya'll twice a day. That's one too many cupcakes fatties! Sorry I digress...let’s get to the main point of this argument: Dresscode. Private school students, girls in particular, are supposed to be our future community leaders: attend an ivy, join a top 3 sorority, attend law school, join the junior league, live in Highland Park, and have CUTE, Burberry-clad children. But noooooo. Instead of preparing to take on your reserved place in the social hierarchy, I see that your saddle oxfords are scribbled and doodled on with ink, one sock up and one sock down, untucked and un-ironed shirts, hair piled on top of your head in rat nest fashion, no make-up, sweat pants underneath your cute, plaid school-girl skits, and my least favorite: wet hair! Are ya’ll dykes?! JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH!
It is seriously no wonder you didn’t get asked to Jesuit prom, but had to settle for Cistercian instead. While the cute boys over at Jesuit and St. Marks are playing field hockey and lacrosse with a stadium full of hott, public school girls, you guys are wearing swim caps, playing rugby, and eating yet again, another cupcake! Well stop!
Don't fucking show your face in sprinkles again! Get rid of your Coach keychain and your gay Northface! Pick up some Proactive, hit the gym, and run a brush through your hair!
The school-girl uniform has become emblematic of sexy, so treat it as such!
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